EVEN ADHD COACHES ARE NOT IMMUNE TO THE EFFECTS OF AN IGNORANT EDUCATION SYSTEM
I recently read a post where the professional bemoaned the fact that so many Linkedin posts seem so blaa and boring.
I know one of the reasons why this is true. Too many professionals are hiding behind their Imposter Syndrome and the Fear of sharing some of their personal and business struggles that have a huge impact on their business, because they may appear less than super successful and perfect.
You may think that the following statement is a bit black and white, well I do have ADHD you know… “How do you know when someone has worked on themselves so that they become real and authentic? When they share a personal struggle with the public as a means to encourage and teach.”
Drum roll please !!
I am being brave (which means feeling terrified and yet still doing what I need to do in life…) and sharing a personal ADHD struggle that I am currently going through, with you and have been going through for many years, and more acutely in the last 12 months.
Even ADHD Coaches are not immune from the damaging effects of those in power in the Educational System who don’t understand and don’t want to understand their students with neurodiverse needs.
Sadly, my story is all too familiar for my ADHD clients…
One of my sons has been on and off, out of an educational establishment for the last 12 months and longer …Currently this son is not in any educational establishment…
This teenage son suffers from ADHD and anxiety (another way of describing ASD…) This year has been a stressful one for my son. He has responded to the stress through staying home too much, and going off his meds.
He has been home so much, that the head teacher can’t understand what my son does in his room all day. My son likes to watch chess tutorials and car races on his phone. The head teacher is convinced that the son has a serious internet addiction, He doesn’t understand that my son is just bored. He doesnt understand that those with ASD think differently to the neurotypical teenage population. He doesn’t understand that my son is not interested in all the “bad stuff” that is so easily accessible on the internet.
We are actively encouraging him to use the family computer and watch his stuff there…However we are NOT taking the phone away from our son, as we know that this will do more harm than good. Our son only has his parents to support him in this big scary world. That is all.
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The most important gift we can give him now is trust, love and belief that he will be OK, that he will grow through this and become stronger, that there is a brighter future for him, that the world will support him in his desire to be good and do good.
I would pull my son out of this college right now. However the situation is not so black and white. I have done the research and there are no other options for my son to go where he could still stay at home. This is a very small institution, which is good for him, and he really likes the teachers and the students. The teachers are very understanding of my son’s needs. We are currently looking at other options, but so far haven’t found anything suitable.
My son has matured a lot in the last few months. Nothing like pain to make one grow…He now wants to go back to college. The head teacher is still convinced that my son has a problem, and he will only allow my son to come back in when he has started therapy sessions with an addictions therapist that the head teacher suggested. The odd thing is that this therapist whom he recommended is not even an addictions therapist… He is just a general therapist. And he has zero understanding of ADHD and ASD.
My son is desperate and he has agreed to see any therapist so that the can go back to college. As his mum, I am his only advocate. I will only agree to a therapist who has a deep understanding of ASD and ADHD.
I have found a therapist who specialises in teaching flexible thinking tools to those with ASD. Looks like my son will be off school for a three more weeks. I am only speaking with the therapist at the end of the week…This is his first available slot…He is booked up for a few weeks after that.
I am not at all concerned about my son’s “internet addiction.” As a mum, my heart tells me that he has just been bored and didnt know how to handle his anxiety. He needs to be BUSY and PRODUCTIVE, and his “internet addiction” will fade away. So we are playing along with the shpiel and looking for a therapist who who can help our son.
How do we stay sane?
- My husband is taking off work tomorrow and will take my son GoKarting. He wants to go to Warrington, which is farther away because they have petrol go karts.
- We had a family games night last night. I made my son’s favourite treat.
- I bought my son his favourite cake today.
- We are having open and honest communication. I am using this situation as a teaching tool for my son as much as I can.
- We are staying positive, and riding the wave…
I have learned the hard way that anger, blame and bitterness have no place in my life. They are more destructive than you can imagine.
I need to bring in more love, peace and positivity into my home. Doing this is far more powerful than you can imagine. Due to the efforts that I have made and I continue to make, to bring in positivity, I have seen open miracles happen with my children, too many times to mention.
The best support for my son is for his mum and dad to stay positive, to stay on the same page, and know that the situation will improve, and that my son will come out of this with more inner strength and a better person.
Sounds easy right? It takes a lifetime of struggle and mistakes to get to this stage.
Wisdom is free, yet it is the most precious commodity in the world. Learning from one’s experiences creates wisdom. I have been an ADHD mum for nearly 22 years. Here are some of the lessons that I have learned from my ADHD Mothering Life:
- Stop worrying, obsessing and ruminating. Start doing something concrete about the situation.
- Just take a small step, and you will see that the Universe will start to align with your goals and will start to support you and your ADHD child.
- The problem you are in, was caused at least partially through you. You are the only one who can take yourself out of this problem. And it is easier than you think…
- With vision and love, your ADHD child will improve and be a success in their way far beyond what you could have imagined. Been there and seeing that in action…
Even ADHD coaches can’t escape the ignorance and closed mindedness of the educational system here in the UK. Yet we all can rise above the dysfunction and create ourselves anew in the process. It is a far more pleasant place to be. That is a conscious choice.
Thank God I have the ADHD tools to handle this one. My ADHD coach training and the various extra training programs that I went through over the years have benefitted me and my family far more than I could have ever imagined…